strike free since 2004

It’s in the air you can almost taste it…yep people are being driven insane by their relatives.


I get a giggle when Rumsfeld uses the term ‘evolved’ when describing conditions in Iraq. Hey man that’s like your theory okay, I prefer to think of things in Iraq as intelligent designing thank you very much.


Oh and eff Burl Ives.


Here’s a beef;

Don’t delay answering your phone so that we can all bask in the glory of your ring tone dig?

Yeah it’s Freebird we get it, now answer it and eff off.

I’m this happy so you don’t have to be.

bam humbug doesn't even scratch the surface

There’s an article in the paper today about how women, on average start holiday shopping earlier than men.


Really? Men procrastinate shopping? I’ll let you in on a little secret….Cause we effin’ hate it!!!

We are bombarded with diamond commercials, and sexy underwear ads. The game doesn’t offer much of a reprieve, as five minutes into an NFL game you are reminded that a truly special gift requires a second mortgage.

Here’s a tip ladies, it’s not a problem that you don’t look like Tyra Banks. The problem is that when I buy you Victoria’s secret stuff that you never wear, I feel even worse about our so-called relationship. So while every kiss may indeed begin with K, and a big bow on a Lexus is irresistible (thought I’ve never understood how a spouse can really give a car, isn’t it our money?) The fact is most of us guys are just hoping to get to new year’s day without drowning in debt or blowing our brains out.

So you’ll forgive me if I start shopping on December 24th, and drink to forget on New year’s eve.


Lastly I know I’m not Brad Pitt, but I am in the gym nearly everyday working on it. So maybe next year I’ll finally get my Lexus.

Comrades, comrades please....

Not only is freedom not free, it no longer exists as we knew it.

No effing wonder we don't have Osama, we are busy spying on PETA. And you thought the example in Farenheit was extreme....

the spy who loved me

Warrants? We don’t have to show you any warrants, we don’t need no stinkin’ warrants!

Kremlin or white house?

It just keeps getting better for Bush. I hope we’re doing a better job of spreading democracy and defending freedom in Iraq than we are here in the US.

Robots for atmosphere

One of the many indignities of working at Chuck E Cheese was being subjected to Pasqually talk. Pasqually was a robot chef who spoke with a stereo typical Italian accent. You know ‘I want ah pizzah pie ah’ it’s like to clicks removed from Sesame street’s the Count. Well in a given shift you would hear the same three or four phrases a hundred times or more. Several of us employees would drive each other insane with Pasqually talk. ‘I gotta bus ah da tables fucker’ As time went on the my inner Pasqually started working dark “I’m ah gonna drink ah all ah da beer, and empty outta da register”

By the way, best thing about working at a place with beer on tap? Drinking beer.

word

Do you stand in line, or online? The answer seems to depend on what part of the country you call home. When I go to the DMV I stand in line and wait, some people say they stand on line and wait. For me online is the internet.

Or perhaps you que.

'and you're already looking for another fool like me'-Elvis Costello

I'm losing the will to continue

I suppose the role my blogs serve, is to point out just how half empty the glass is. Or as Bart Simpson said ‘Can’t win don’t try’


What is the effin’ point of the white elephant gift exchange? Let’s make everyone at work go drop ten bucks on a gag gift for no one in particular, and then we’ll exchange them so each of us winds up with a piece of garbage.

Whenever you try and opt out of these compulsory ‘activities’ you are the asshole. What a time waste. I don’t mind kicking in my share, but I hate stupid shit and this qualifies.


Oh and eff pot luck too. I’m not cooking for you clowns, and certainly there are some of you who’s food I wouldn’t trust. I just know too much about your habits.

Coworkers pot luck is commin’ to town (trad. arrangement)

I know you don’t flush the urinal
I know you pick your nose
I know that you’ve been foul all day
So forgive me if I don’t eat your food…


Ohhhhhhh eff it.



I’m ragin’ full on scrooge.

Orally fixated

I bought a new toothbrush at Target, the Oral B Pulsar it’s called. When I first turned it on, I was taken aback at the ooomph this thing has. It’s a vibrator with bristles. I don’t know if my teeth are any cleaner, but it feels great on my clitoris.


Why is cherry juice so expensive?


Clinique for men let me down, I got a nice zit just in time for the office Christmas party. I prefer to think of it as an ornament, at least it will match my shirt.

Once again

We do not torture. We outsource that.

semantics, euphemisms, and other corp fun (the musical)

You say 'be cost conscious when it comes to healthcare' I say 'skip needed care'
You say 'Victory' and I say 'quagmire'
You say 'interrogate' and I see pictures of torture.
You say 'restructure' and I say 'firing people'


Let's call the whole thing off


This blog needs a good honor killing.

Ice day

Who am I?
Nobody knows but me
Nobody knows but me
Who am I?
Nobody else can see
Just you and me
Who are we
Oh my love oh my love-John Lennon


On this icy day when many people are at home, it's important to remember the wisdom of the Greek liquor store owners.

'It's better to work.... you don't work you spend your money, you chase women... it's just better to go to work'

So here I am

Freedom isn't for everyone

This isn't a well informed position, and it's probably not a popular one, but I don't think freedom is for everyone.

In Iraq they still have tribal 'honor killings' and the whole tribe is okay with that.

These tribes believe that if a woman has sex out of marriage or is raped that it brings shame to the family. So much shame that a woman who has been raped will be shot and killed by her own effin' family!!!

WTF!


Where do you even start with that shit?

Nope Mickey D's may not be for everyone.

Christmas

I'm pretty sure it started to suck as soon as I got a job.

Traffic, expense, and in-laws oh my....

We don't torture

At least we don't call it that.

if you can read this

I prolly owe you email, phone call or money. I havent forgotten...promise. Work with me, I'm working my arse off these days.

Do you suffer from sweater elbow? my elbows get irritated by the sweater, and yes I mosturize like a mofo.

What was worse Beatle mania or Stars on 45?

Office Biohazard

What's worse, the smell of burned microwave popcorn, or the smell of singed coffee?